I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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