So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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