Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
