You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
