i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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