i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
