someone threw a dead crab at me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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