he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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