CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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