You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
