Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
