i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
