there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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