I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
