Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
