How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
