Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
