Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
God, I missed his penis.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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