she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
