The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
