Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
