Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
