Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
