i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
