the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
