I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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