i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
