Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
