he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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