so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
