Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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