I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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