I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
