I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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