You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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