Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
