and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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