I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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