i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A+ Viking dick
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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