i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
