Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
