it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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