What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
