I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
