I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
