I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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