Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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