My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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