Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
