Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
