I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
