Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
