sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm like, not good at living.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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